The Light

The Light

I am away
I am far
My mind harrowed by the depths it will wander
My body stays stiff and tense
Here, where my spirit has left me sunken
As I wait for the light to return
And free me from this heaviness I carry
Within me

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Not the Girl

Not the Girl

I’m not the girl stuck in your head
The one who was drunk on the night sky
And city lights
She was a costume I put on
To hide my face
To hide myself
She let go, she gave in
You can find her in pictures
But she’s long gone
And if you come for her
You’ll be disappointed
By the girl who was hiding behind the mask
Fragile, but never vulnerable
Buried by inhibition
And terrified by the thought
Of lingering in your memory.

Deep Down and Beneath

Deep Down and Beneath

Don’t tell me to trust the universe
When it’s given me no reason to trust it
The broken pieces in me
Simply are not ready
To break through all this red tape
That keeps me stuck right where I am
Just when I think I’ve got my head above the water
The cold, dark below begins to pull me back down
I can’t breathe here, in this place
This lonely, broken place
Where no one ever finds me
Yet, even if they did
Even if you pulled me out
My trust would remain
Deep down and beneath
All the other layers I wear
To protect myself
From everything

Failure Persisted

Failure Persisted

Is this where dreams go to die?
Weighed down by the never-ending journey through my mind?
Sucked in and out of newsfeeds and updates?
I know we only show what we want to
But I feel like last place on repeat
Like I’ve been on this constant losing streak
And nothing I do can break the cycle
I can’t do anything and so I feel like nothing
I feel like nothing and it makes me unable to do anything
I walked through wet cement and now I’m stuck
My feet planted firmly in my failures and mistakes
Taunted by all the fears that became reality
There is, seemingly, no comeback for this kid
My body is broken and my spirit is crushed
A trip through this mind is where dreams die
And I live that nightmare every time I open my eyes.

Shadow

Shadow

I don’t know when I learned
To live my life
Like a shadow on the wall
Disappearing with the light
A spectator in my own life
Following my body
And losing my mind
Two hands making the shape of a heart
Dark lines prying through the light
Too often, I feel dim and muted
I feel stretched and distorted
Like a 5 o’clock shadow
That stays through the night

Nothing

Nothing

It’s not fair
To still be so confused
And lost

One day a body
With breath to breathe
The next day ashes
Waiting for the wind
To fly them away
To spread what’s left
Of a life once lived

Yet, there’s no closure here
And there are not enough words
Nothing to ease the pain of loss
The loss of something
That for a long time
Was nothing

And now remains nothing
But ashes lost to the wind
And a soul lost long before

And all of these thoughts
All of these somethings
Are forever lost
To the empty void of nothingness.