Hello anyone who is reading. I haven’t been on here in a while…but I have been getting creative on Instagram. You’ll find my latest pieces there under @kellyjaneinwords. I hope to start posting some short stories here, soon.
As always, thanks for stopping by.
🙂
Are you really going to try and tell me
That we are the only beings in a vast bundle
Of universes that span beyond comprehension?
Do you really believe we’re the only ones around
Driving ourselves to the edge of mass extinction?
That others haven’t come and gone
Through billions of light-years and beyond?
The great infinite darkness we stare at from the ground
Has secrets beyond what we have found
And if we’re really all alone in this place
How sad for us and all of this wasted space.
The black and white of it all
Has blurred into gray
And one minute turns into the next
You reluctantly wake up to the sun
and try to sleep with the moon
And all of this gravity weighs heavy on you
In your dreams
When they haven’t taken a turn on Elm Street
In a town called Nightmare
You touch the blue in the sky
and smell the green in the grass
The white picket fence can be a rainbow
Within the rapid movements of the eye
You find a small sliver of peace
You can be kings and queens
Doctors or painters
In love or in lust
You can be reunited
Or given the space you need
The technicolor that once set fire to your imagination, returns
You can be anything
You can do everything
You can step inside a star
Burst into gold
and let yourself glow
Maybe one day
You’ll let your waking self
Live this dream.
take this riot in my mind
and quiet the voices
of anger and angst and pain
just enough to quell the rumination
but don’t put out the fires
that keep my heart beating
that keep me passionate enough
to care.
Pain isn’t always caused
By deep cuts and big traumas
Sometimes it’s the small scratches
The little things
That over time begin to chip away
At your entire sense of self
That wear down your armor
One crack at a time
Breaking into you
So that all those small chips
They become the deep cut
All those little things
Become the big hurt
And all of that pain
That you’ve been trying so hard to keep out
To ignore or overcome
Destroys you from the inside out
Until there is nothing left
But the hollowness within you
Which allows the pain to echo endlessly
Stealing any moments that may lead
To your perseverance
Your preservation
And your happiness.
I don’t know when I learned
To live my life
Like a shadow on the wall
Disappearing with the light
A spectator in my own life
Following my body
And losing my mind
Two hands making the shape of a heart
Dark lines prying through the light
Too often, I feel dim and muted
I feel stretched and distorted
Like a 5 o’clock shadow
That stays through the night
Some fires
Were never meant to burn forever
Some fires
Are only meant to be a spark in the dark
Some fires
May burn a flame eternal
Some fires
Are a flash of lightning in the night
When it happens
It feels like this
Like a weight that I’ve been carrying
On my shoulders, alone
Has fallen through me
Making a hole in my very being
And this gaping hole becomes a void
Where this lonely pang of emptiness
Rings like church bells
In a small, quiet town
Putting another crack in my soul
Breaking my heart
Until I can’t feel anything
But the pressure in my head
As I try to hold in tears
Which always end up falling
Like rain in April
It feels like hopelessness magnified
When your greatest wish
Is that you did not exist.
Did you know that from the stars
Looking down on where we are
The blue and green of a dying planet
You can’t see the differences
Of the people who live on it
While magnified as we are up close
As different specks with minds and souls
With hearts and bodies, we bleed the same
And that’s not something that race or gender
Who you love or your God can change
I’m starting to feel lost again
but maybe I always have been
All my anchors keep on cracking
in a sea of discontent and restlessness
I’ve been drifting now for months
Too tired to really move at all
Cemented to these old wooden planks
waiting for someone to come
But am I just a shadow?
An old photo on the wall?
A memory that’s fading?
Did anyone ever know me at all?
And amid all the crashing waves
flooding every inch of me
Broken pieces turned to jagged shards
that are tearing at my seams
Little weapons deep within
chipping away at anything
That may be trying to survive
the wreckage of my heart and mind
But I am just a shadow
An old photo on the wall
A memory that’s fading
And I don’t think
I ever knew me at all.
Kelly Jane in Words. 